I know I haven’t done this before, but I figure I’ll give this a try. I’m about to write about my life. Deal with it or don’t, but that’s the point of blogs. You write out what you’re thinking and perhaps in some small corner of the Internet, there’s someone that shares the same feelings as you.
But I will keep this brief. There’s been a lot of stuff going on with me lately.
First off, I’m getting married. YES! Big old whoop to committing to one person for the rest of my life. However, people fail to tell you that planning for a low-key wedding is just as stressful as planning a high-key wedding. I find myself stressing out about the money it’ll cost, the venue, keeping up with what people want with me. It’s difficult and I can understand it. While the day is yours specifically to enjoy with your S/O, I can’t help but to feel a sense of responsibility and duty to be a “good daughter.” I don’t want to be the center of attention (yes, even on my own wedding day), but my dad wants to show me off or my mom doesn’t want to spare a single extravagance and all I want to do is crawl into a tiny space somewhere and eat expensive wedding cake. ALONE.
Secondly, I’m not happy at work. I don’t like to talk about work stuff online because there’s again the small possibility that someone from somewhere in that tiny corner of the Internet that will read this and it’ll somehow come back to me. But let me tell you a little something about my disinterest with work; it has nothing to do with the people I work with or the place I work. I just feel like it’s a point in my life to try and pursue something else. What that is, I don’t know, but I really hope it has something to do with books. I’ll be speaking with a career coach to figure this stuff out, but people walking outside is more interesting than doing my job.
Thirdly, I might be moving. This puts a damper on the job stuff. I’m usually the type of person that doesn’t wait around to find something a little more suited when I know I’m not happy at my job. If I’m not happy, I’ll find somewhere else to be happy. However, because I might be moving (out of state, mind you) that means I can’t apply to any local jobs. What’s the point of starting a new job only to quit after six months and move somewhere else? That just sounds like a recipe for disaster. Also, I don’t know if I’m moving at all and since that’s up in the air, I can’t find jobs at my new location. I just sit and stay at my job that I’m basically gritting my teeth and bearing.
So what do you do? I feel like I was on this life train that made a full stop in the middle of the track. Living in limbo is not ideal for someone who lives in the moment. I don’t have a plan, but the one thing I know I can rely on are books. I can’t read about how to wait patiently for my life to start up again but I can take my mind off things while day after day goes by hoping something will finally shift.